So Glad That AA Is Out Of My Life

 To think... what if? It brings me anxiety. Just the thought. To think back on Idaho and how I actually wanted to be one of them. To be like they are. To see what they see. To think if I had continued to listen, try to impress, strive to belong.... 

If I had continued the AA path I was attempting I'd still be in Idaho. After being released from jail (LAST TIME I GET HELMED UP I SWEAR) I'd be 31 years old living with mom. I'd be lucky to bring home $15,000 a year. I would not be in school nor would I have purpose. I'd be drinking myself to death. I'd have no friend's, no ambitions, no sanity, and I'd be as dull and gray as those I surrounded myself with. 

Today I live. Truly live. This is the Break Away I dreamt of. No cult. Community. 

I'm so excited with how far things have progressed in such a short amount of time. The pieces are coming together. A drink is so far from my reality today. I don't live with gossipping sexists and hypocrites. I have friend's again. They're easy to come by when you're not in AA. I have self confidence again. 

They told me to stay in Idaho. They told me I can't run from myself. Yes... certainly and without doubt, things have changed since this blog has started. But some things have remained the same. I still believe that I'm running away from nothing, but running towards something bigger and more superbly amazing than I ever could have hoped for. 

I am so happy to be on an adventure. I'm so happy to have left the security of rent free housing and a stable job to chase my dream. I'm so exhilarated everyday. More and more everyday to be living a life that'll lead me towards helping those of us who are like I was. I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds, and yet... I can't help but be content. In this moment I am content. 

-Joe 🦋 

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