God... Fuck you, and lemme ask

I feel so out of touch.

It seems I've lost so much.

Will I ever be enough?

Will I ever be in touch

With me?

​I want...

Ha, does it matter?

"I want" is always on my mind.

Will I ever consider

Anything

But me?

​Oh God, I just want to say fuck you.

Oh God, I just want to ask you:

Was I there with you

Before I came down to this Earth,

Stuck here

With me?


-Butterfly

Comments

  1. AnonymousNovember 13, 2025 at 11:31 AM

    Hi Pal! I've been reading your posts, sorta following your journey because there's something meaningful in connecting with someone else's raw, honest life experience. And I want to share with you my increasing feeling that a lot of what you've been through is very... US coded. I'M NOT TRYING TO DIMINISH YOUR EXPERIENCES AND STRUGGLES! Not at all, on the contrary: I feel them so deeply I needed to say that a lot of that frustarion, selfishness and heartbreak steams from social morals that put money and stereotypical success above everything else. I swear. I didn't grew up in the states, I'm Colombian (your blog made it all the way to latin america!), but I have cousins who were born and raised in the US, and the intrinsec loneliness of trying to put up with those social rythms is insane. My cousin ended up moving here, back into my grandam's home, and went to rehab here on a centre between Colombian beautiful mountains. He finally feels like he found excitment for living again, and joined an amazing dance institute.
    What I'm saying is: I feel backpacking would do you so much good! Along the lines of what you expressed in some of your February entries: to see different cultures is to experience different ways of living, different ways in which life could be alocated meaning. Colombia is my experience, but all of Latin America has such resilient pursue of life fire, many friends from the Global North say is life changing. I'm not trying to romantizise anything, but perhaps there are indeed places in the world were sentiments like yours can find hearing ears.
    I personally think the US makes its people sick. It's a sick culture. But that's my personal opinion. No matter if you disagree, how bout looking into WorldPackers or Compass, those platforms where you get food and a place to sleep in exhange for voluntary work around the world?

    Wishing you the best, I'm still waiting to read your next entry :)

    ReplyDelete

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