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The Things We Do

 I hope the disguise worked.  I'm sure it did. "Your head's too big for this hat". "What if she flips out"? "Am I going to do this correctly"? These things we tell ourselves to back out. I can't back out though. Go forward. Only forward. I asked "Are you so and so?" she says "I am". I say "This is for you". Her hands recoiled. As if the paper was on fire and says "What is that?" I say "It's a court summons. You've been served". She claims "You can't do this at my work".  I've never done this before. I can only say "I'm sorry, but I can. I have to".  And I did have to. I need the $150. She just laughs, but it's an empty one. She says ok.  I'm sorry.  She's not too happy. I'm glad I wore a disguise. I hope it worked.  Things are good, but the progress is slow. I know as things pick up it's bound to speed up.  Yesterday I was discouraged. ...
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The Challenges. The Goals.

 Leaving my house, quitting my job, leaving the state, cutting my family out, moving to a homeless shelter, starting school, looking for work, looking for a room or an apartment, all with a suspended license, criminal record, zero dollars, and spotty job history is super hard.  But it's doable.  Today I lost my phone charger. Today was just one more lesson. This is not a bad thing. It's another reminder that when you are executing a 10 year plan. A dream. You have to stay vigilant. Remember the finish line. Stay on point.  I have more faith, as the list of goals and stepping stones gets smaller, than ever before. Peru is calling. One day.  Today my temperament is solid. My path is known. The adventure breathes.  Though still... I'm impatient. I want it now. Yet still... I can center myself and remain calm. The Break Away Experience 2.0 will go forth.  And I will be a stronger man on the other side. This adventure is real. -Butterfly
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To My Readers

 I'd like to let you know that those of you who have commented are appreciated immensely by this little ol' Butterfly. I have read every single one and they always light up my life. However, I write this blog on my phone and as of yet I have been unable to reply to comments on mobile. When I get past this first phase of BAE 2.0 I plan on getting my iPad back and sincerely wish to reply to all of you. Until that moment comes though, all I can do is make this post letting you all know that I see you and your words mean a lot to me. Thanks for sticking around and for joining me on The Break Away. Been going since Jan 18, 2025 now.  Thank you.  -Butterfly
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To Burn The Boats. My Only Option.

 What I've done....  I guess there's not much to say about this. But what I've done is for sanity. Though insane to most. This is for sanity.  I arrived at an island. And I've burned my boats. So now what? Well... there's no going back. Going forward I may fail, however I can't believe this. Though again... to think on it with any honesty... I actually may fail.  But quitting isn’t an option. I said it in the past. I said it on my first post. To grow old and grey only to look back on my life and regret it is a fate worse than failure.  To quit and go back is death. To go back? I'll never go back.  I burned my boats intentionally so that to fall back will never be an option.  Prayers are nice. Good vibes too. Whatever God is bored enough to hear us... yea her. Send whatever you got to me. Because my boats are burned. I'm on the island, sleeping in their ashes. And though I'm happier than I've ever been... I still get scared.  I need your energy no...
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I won't be here... it won't be like this... forever

 Brick wall? Climb. Red tape? Scissors. It won't be like this forever. When my thumb begins to float I remember the road. My road. One that takes you away from Point A but never arrives at Point B. Hear no? Thanks.  Get rejected?  Keep moving.  I won't be here forever. When I think of quitting I remember the chaos. Sometimes I thrive in it. Sometimes it scares me. However, it never leads to purpose.  Purpose....  Oh how I desire purpose.  I have the vision. I play it in my head, like a movie when I'm stuck. I know, or at least I believe, I can prevail. But only when I keep going.  My life. I won't be here.... it won't be like this.... Forever.  I won't quit.  -Butterfly 
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To Trust Ourselves Is To Trust God

"To Trust Ourselves Is To Trust Our Higher Power" I look around and I believe what I witness is a severe lack of confidence in our own strength as individuals. I do not believe that it is only I who has survived immense levels of pain and mayhem in my own life, it is that I see strength and courage in so many others that I have had the pleasure of observing. Is this all God? Who can say? Surely it isn't myself who is the decider of such monumental questions. No, though I do have an opinion, and I am selfish, and perhaps foolish enough to share mine. I am of the belief that it would be to deprive any God who may have had a part in our existence the proper respect they deserve, to say they do all. Know all. Wouldn't that be to say that an artist as great as those who have imagined, not only the world, but the very fabric of our universe has no faith? Why create living beings only to do everything for them? Is there only one God? Is that God so lonely that they...
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So Glad That AA Is Out Of My Life

 To think... what if? It brings me anxiety. Just the thought. To think back on Idaho and how I actually wanted to be one of them. To be like they are. To see what they see. To think if I had continued to listen, try to impress, strive to belong....  If I had continued the AA path I was attempting I'd still be in Idaho. After being released from jail (LAST TIME I GET HEMMED UP I SWEAR) I'd be 31 years old living with mom. I'd be lucky to bring home $15,000 a year. I would not be in school nor would I have purpose. I'd be drinking myself to death. I'd have no friend's, no ambitions, no sanity, and I'd be as dull and gray as those I surrounded myself with.  Today I live. Truly live. This is the Break Away I dreamt of. No cult. Community.  I'm so excited with how far things have progressed in such a short amount of time. The pieces are coming together. A drink is so far from my reality today. I don't live with gossipping sexists and hypocrites. I have fr...
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