The Break Away Experience

 Look.... I DO have respect for boundaries.... ok? Now I can prove it! I have NO legal restrictions anymore and I will STILL respect this person's boundaries. Because I DO care about them and I want them to be happy. So no matter how badly I'd like to say hi... I won't.  I can't fix things.  I can't save anybody, but myself.  And I'm not the "magic" king who has the answers for life.  Its just nice that today I can respect boundaries by choice as opposed to by force.  That's how it should have always been. But what can I say? I'm a fool.  Its a good day. 

 I’m just lying here thinking. I’m not even Going to bother. ​No more need for My suspicions. I’m only enjoying the weather. ​I’m daydreaming, I’m cloud watching— there’s nothing else left For me to do. There's  nothing else left For me to prove. ​I’ve tossed it all away.  I've lost my fucking mind. I've given the poison All that I am Yea I know its been Killing me But I'll take a change, I'll take anything I can ​So I’m daydreaming, I’m cloud watching— Because there’s nothing Else left for me to try There's nothing left  For me at all. ​I’m daydreaming, I’m cloud watching— Now there’s nothing left There's nothing left, Of me.

 Life's really good right now, but people still won't even look at me. It's basically a daily slap in the face, but I mean... I know I fucked up. It wasn't all my fault, but I fucked up hugely. Still... it hurts my feelings to be so blatantly avoided. Guess I'll go on a walk. Its a beautiful day today. -Joe 

 I promised that I would wait. And I still am waiting. But I know I need to stop. But it's like... I'll always want to wait, because what if? I mean, I can still build my life while waiting right? But what am I waiting for? I don't have to do anything right now so I'm just going to keep working on my sobriety, life, hobbies, and maybe a career.  But for now.... I'll be here.  -Joe

 I start work soon. It's been a while for me, so I'm happy about that. I'm able to drive again so I'm shopping for a car currently. VERY excited for that. I'm looking at a 2018 Honda Accord LX Sedan, but I might go with a 2020. Not sure yet.  I still really miss my ex, sorta sucks how bad I just wanna say hi. I see her talk to anybody but me and that hurts, but I get it I guess.  I still want to fix things, but I am starting to realize that I can't. Maybe it'll work out? But for now I'm not going to do anything to make it all alright.  I think that's the best thing I can do.  Anyways, shits hard, but I think it'll get better.  -Joe

 So I REALLY feel like I owe someone a HUGE apology. I truly wish I could just say I'm sorry dude. For everything. I put them through so much. But the thing is, they won't even look at me. I've tried to fix things. I've tried making it "right", but all I did was make everything worse and I feel guilty.  I can't make it right. The best I can do is just keep my fucking mouth shut.