The Break Away Experience

 Life's really good right now, but people still won't even look at me. It's basically a daily slap in the face, but I mean... I know I fucked up. It wasn't all my fault, but I fucked up hugely. Still... it hurts my feelings to be so blatantly avoided. Guess I'll go on a walk. Its a beautiful day today. -Joe 

 I promised that I would wait. And I still am waiting. But I know I need to stop. But it's like... I'll always want to wait, because what if? I mean, I can still build my life while waiting right? But what am I waiting for? I don't have to do anything right now so I'm just going to keep working on my sobriety, life, hobbies, and maybe a career.  But for now.... I'll be here.  -Joe

 I start work soon. It's been a while for me, so I'm happy about that. I'm able to drive again so I'm shopping for a car currently. VERY excited for that. I'm looking at a 2018 Honda Accord LX Sedan, but I might go with a 2020. Not sure yet.  I still really miss my ex, sorta sucks how bad I just wanna say hi. I see her talk to anybody but me and that hurts, but I get it I guess.  I still want to fix things, but I am starting to realize that I can't. Maybe it'll work out? But for now I'm not going to do anything to make it all alright.  I think that's the best thing I can do.  Anyways, shits hard, but I think it'll get better.  -Joe

 So I REALLY feel like I owe someone a HUGE apology. I truly wish I could just say I'm sorry dude. For everything. I put them through so much. But the thing is, they won't even look at me. I've tried to fix things. I've tried making it "right", but all I did was make everything worse and I feel guilty.  I can't make it right. The best I can do is just keep my fucking mouth shut. 

 I wrote this shortly after getting sentenced. I like to fancy myself as a halfway decent writer, but when I'm being honest, I realize I am not all that great. However this is something I'm actually pretty proud to call my own. If you read this, and if you like it, please comment below. I love all my readers and am interested in people's thoughts.  A Leaping Ladybug When I was in jail, I had a dream where I was once again close to somebody I had loved. And so intensely did I love her that it was as if we had transcended to another level of existence. In fact, we had. We were there, in that new world, when a man came into our room. He told us that he had something he wanted to show a songbird, but that most of all, it was me who ought to pay very close attention. He then led us to a vineyard. One like those I used to walk through back in Sonoma. One where I could eat grapes freely and forget that I was me for a little while. It felt like how I imagine a home would feel. ...

 Everything I have been bitching about since coming home (9 months ago) is over now. I ended up doing 5 months in jail, but the charges ended up getting dropped, the restraining order was terminated, and so was my probation. Im free!