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This Blog Is Now Concluded

 Today, after everything, this entire "Break Away Experience", has come to its final end. The conclusion of course is anti-climactic. But to say it didn't serve a purpose, that is, to me, would be to deny myself a part of my history. Today I told the girl who set all of this in motion not to talk to me. May she live in peace. But not as a part of my life. Though I love her still, immensely.  I lost myself. I didn't lose myself because of her. No, I had been gone for some time. Maybe since my birth. I believe it possible I have never truly been "me" to begin with. For I never tried. This girl, "The Songbird" recently started saying hi to me again. It's what I wanted. It's all that I have wanted from her, and now that it started I have come to realize, it's no longer something that I want. In fact, I desire the exact opposite. Now, in this moment, when things are finally shaping up to be a life I enjoy living, a life where I no longer fee...
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Woke Up Knowing Things Are Ok

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Why Do I Go To A Group Who Kicked Me Out?

 Tell me.
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Finally Can Prove It!

 Look.... I DO have respect for boundaries.... ok? Now I can prove it! I have NO legal restrictions anymore and I will STILL respect this person's boundaries. Because I DO care about them and I want them to be happy. So no matter how badly I'd like to say hi... I won't.  I can't fix things.  I can't save anybody, but myself.  And I'm not the "magic" king who has the answers for life.  Its just nice that today I can respect boundaries by choice as opposed to by force.  That's how it should have always been. But what can I say? I'm a fool.  Its a good day. 
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Cloud Watching

 I’m just lying here thinking. I’m not even Going to bother. ​No more need for My suspicions. I’m only enjoying the weather. ​I’m daydreaming, I’m cloud watching— there’s nothing else left For me to do. There's  nothing else left For me to prove. ​I’ve tossed it all away.  I've lost my fucking mind. I've given the poison All that I am Yea I know its been Killing me But I'll take a change, I'll take anything I can ​So I’m daydreaming, I’m cloud watching— Because there’s nothing Else left for me to try There's nothing left  For me at all. ​I’m daydreaming, I’m cloud watching— Now there’s nothing left There's nothing left, Of me.
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I Hate That I Can Do Nothing

 Life's really good right now, but people still won't even look at me. It's basically a daily slap in the face, but I mean... I know I fucked up. It wasn't all my fault, but I fucked up hugely. Still... it hurts my feelings to be so blatantly avoided. Guess I'll go on a walk. Its a beautiful day today. -Joe 
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I'm still waiting.

 I promised that I would wait. And I still am waiting. But I know I need to stop. But it's like... I'll always want to wait, because what if? I mean, I can still build my life while waiting right? But what am I waiting for? I don't have to do anything right now so I'm just going to keep working on my sobriety, life, hobbies, and maybe a career.  But for now.... I'll be here.  -Joe
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