This Blog Is Now Concluded

 Today, after everything, this entire "Break Away Experience", has come to its final end. The conclusion of course is anti-climactic. But to say it didn't serve a purpose, that is, to me, would be to deny myself a part of my history. Today I told the girl who set all of this in motion not to talk to me. May she live in peace. But not as a part of my life. Though I love her still, immensely. 

I lost myself. I didn't lose myself because of her. No, I had been gone for some time. Maybe since my birth. I believe it possible I have never truly been "me" to begin with. For I never tried. This girl, "The Songbird" recently started saying hi to me again. It's what I wanted. It's all that I have wanted from her, and now that it started I have come to realize, it's no longer something that I want. In fact, I desire the exact opposite. Now, in this moment, when things are finally shaping up to be a life I enjoy living, a life where I no longer feel robbed out of my rightful death in the car accident, I feel as though she should enjoy the life she wanted and be joyous that I don't want to talk to her. Too much has happened, far too much, and for far too long. No longer do I fully blame her, though still, I no longer hold myself accountable for everything. I see my part. Of course I see my part in all of this, but I can not accept sweeping her part under the rug. For her to say "Hi Joe" is unacceptable to me. I was jailed, accused, embarrassed, gossiped about, kicked out of my safe space, a safe space I introduced her to, and it is not a "hi Joe" situation in my opinion.

 Today I choose to go on and no longer be a survivor, but someone who is truly alive. No longer a shell, but a man... 

I'm working again. I have money in the bank. I have no probation officer, no judges, lawyers, court dates. I have no jail time hanging over my head. I am free! I have friends who love me, a family who loves me and has my back, and I love all of these people as well. I'm doing a good job at my stepping stone job, and working towards a career, and I have no one in my life talking badly to me, about me, or telling me that I am bad. No one whose opinion concerns me anyways. I am free. 

May God, whatever the fuck that is, help me. 


-Joseph D. Misita

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