To adequately express oneself

 To adequately express the true laughter of my demons.

They scoff...

They taunt.

They have destroyed all that I have touched....

And I've allowed it to happen. I welcomed them into my life. And into my heart.

Though today their grins have died.

I find myself on a windy shore line. Shirt stripped and I can hear the wind. I can feel it along with the sun rays on my skin. 

Is this peace? I don't know....

However it comes close. 

No longer a street rat... though a caged rat regardless. However, my cage is unlocked. 

I've chosen this pain... 

God help me walk out. The freedom is at the tips of my fingers.

Help me with the final stretch so I may finally grasp it. 

Give me a push. 

Would Lillee Mae sit beside me on this beach if she could see my soul? Would she forgive me? Would she join me in this moment of serenity. And realize that we have survived all that life has thrown our way?

Let's dance just once more in the mist. 

Till that day comes...

And I understand woefully it is but a fantasy.

Till then.... 

I'll be a survivor. 

I won't allow this weeping heart to destroy all that I am. 

So today? Well.... today my demons shun away and hide. 

For my destiny is in the palms of my own hands.

I didn't kill that man. 

-Butterfly

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