Hate breeds hate. Is this me?

 Why are the voices of love so quiet? Are they quiet or is it that I've been so distracted by my own anger to notice those who say...

 Its your fault. But its my fault too. 

We are in this together. 

I love you. 

Why is it so hard to say... 

I did this to myself. I did this to us. 

If we are all connected. If we are one. Then to hurt myself is to hurt you right? 

And to hurt you is to hurt myself. 

And to hurt her is to hurt him. 

And to hurt him is to kill peace.

My rage and my self indulgence. My ego and my pride. My excuses.

My hate.... 

It is a poison to all of us. 

I'm sorry. 

But I can't just say Im sorry then move on right? I have to show it. Prove it. Live it.... 

Then never repeat it. 

I've complained constantly. I have thrown a lot of fits and lashed out at this world. I have been disgusted in humanity. I have viewed it as a cancer. I have said that humanity is wrong. 

But I am humanity. 

I have excused myself, yet denied to others the same grace that I allow myself.

My ego,

My pride, 

My shit behavior. 

My hate... 

Hate breeds hate and I have been a mother of hatred. Through me hatred has been birthed. 

I have been a vessel of toxicity.

A man who has believed I know it all. 

Though when faced with situations where I know nothing. I have recoiled away. 

But today when faced with the unknowing, uncertain, the mysterious.

I can look at it as an opportunity for growth, a fresh slate, an exciting adventure towards knowledge and wisdom. 

I'm tired of the hatred that blooms from my ego and my fear. 

Hate breeds hate and it hurts us all. 

I for one am guilty of spreading toxicity whose ripples I'm sure are still effecting many today.

Maybe this very moment. 

-Butterfly

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Update On A Vagabond

Image
I guess that's it then. A new life somewhere is out there. All past is gone and is lost. They're all gone now. I find myself alone, once again, in a room full of people. I made it through the plains and thats good enough for me. They coyotes were screaming and the light was nowhere to be found. I told God that if he has something to prove, well then the plains was the place to do it. My knife was out as the coyotes teased me in the night when some kid screeched past me in the middle of nowhere. I believe we scared eachother, but he was a friend and had me hop in his truck. Don't ask me how it happened. He doesn't even usually drive through that way, but was avoiding the main roads due to the snowstorm. Perhaps it was divine intervention? I should be dead.  So many times over... I should be dead.  The question now is how? How the fuck am I even alive? Other than Evan of course. Or better yet... why?  Am I supposed to be here or is that just my ego speaking. B...
Read more

Intro to My Journey

Image
Hello. My friends call me Butterfly.  Since October 2024 I've been involved in 3 foot pursuits, 2 car chases, 1 minor car accident, 1 major car accident, 2 hospital visits, 1 hospital escape, and multiple hitchhiking adventures. I've been back to jail, had 2 relapses, and I literally froze under a bridge. I was tackled and had cops with guns out screaming at me to get down on the frozen concrete. This and so much more. Actions of a desperate and foolish man who was spiraling. A choice I made alone.  So I lost everything. I lost my job, my house, my car, my freedom, and the worst of it all, the love of my life hates me man. It all started with "Just one", but after it all... I have only one thing to say.... "worth it bro". I want none of it back.  Ya see I literally ate my windshield at 80mph (so say the cops. I can't actually remember) just so I could see that "something" let me walk away. In fact I ran away. But I never was able to...
Read more

What this blog and "The Break Away Experience" is truly about.

Image
Tonight I spoke with a man around my age about learning, growth, and having no fear of death. The conversation was short, yet to me, it was potent.  I stepped outside for a smoke after watching a woman sing and play the piano and as I rolled up my cigarette the man asked me how I was doing. Being polite I told him that I was so far so good and asked him how he was.  What he told me was "Any day above water is a good day".  I liked that. I actually liked that a lot.  He told me of how he had almost drowned and explained that when he found himself upside down on the wrong side of the surface he found peace watching the sun reflect off the water above him.  He learned that day that death was nothing to fear, and I too hold this belief. I wish I could remember the conversation word for word in its entirety so I could properly relay it all here, but I don't. However I can tell you how the conversation ended before he simply got up and walked away....
Read more