I'll play for me

 Butterfly you big ol goof nut!!! It's not Friday! Making plans on the wrong day! No gym today >:[ 

Silly mother fucka lol

What to do then? Works done, meeting at 7pm, not really hungry, not really feelin it. 

Its cool to just chill right? 

Yup.

Maybe shower and power nap. Maybe just nap.  Maybe just sleeeeeeeeep.

Gotta real bed tonight. 

I didn't have a real bed from December 6th all the way until July 16th.

So many nights without a bed in my 30 years. I'm no longer 13 sleeping in the dugout at Furber Park. 

I have a bed. I might as well use it right?

I wonder if she'll be at the meeting tonight? 

I hope so. But I shouldn't. Meh............. I do though. 

Oh.....! I know! I'll play piano! Dude I was so tempted to play the song I wrote for her. She's never heard me play on an actual piano before. Not without all my rust. She's never heard me actually play.

But could you imagine? "Oh heyyy girl..." *plays piano* that'd make it so fuckin obvious that I want her to hear her song. 

But I shouldn't care. Thats what I'm told.

Hmmm... she doesn’t want to hear it. Gotta remember that. She doesn't care anymore.

I'll just play a different song right now. Maybe create something new. Something unique. 

I'll play it for me. Just to enjoy the sound. Just to feel it in my heart. And rejoice the air in my lungs.

The air I honestly shouldn't have. 

The air I've taken for granted.

Breathe,

Hold,

Exhale.

In through the nose,

Hold,

Out through the mouth.

4 seconds each.

Peace.

I didn't kill that man.

I'll play for me. 

-Butterfly 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Update On A Vagabond

Image
I guess that's it then. A new life somewhere is out there. All past is gone and is lost. They're all gone now. I find myself alone, once again, in a room full of people. I made it through the plains and thats good enough for me. They coyotes were screaming and the light was nowhere to be found. I told God that if he has something to prove, well then the plains was the place to do it. My knife was out as the coyotes teased me in the night when some kid screeched past me in the middle of nowhere. I believe we scared eachother, but he was a friend and had me hop in his truck. Don't ask me how it happened. He doesn't even usually drive through that way, but was avoiding the main roads due to the snowstorm. Perhaps it was divine intervention? I should be dead.  So many times over... I should be dead.  The question now is how? How the fuck am I even alive? Other than Evan of course. Or better yet... why?  Am I supposed to be here or is that just my ego speaking. B...
Read more

Intro to My Journey

Image
Hello. My friends call me Butterfly.  Since October 2024 I've been involved in 3 foot pursuits, 2 car chases, 1 minor car accident, 1 major car accident, 2 hospital visits, 1 hospital escape, and multiple hitchhiking adventures. I've been back to jail, had 2 relapses, and I literally froze under a bridge. I was tackled and had cops with guns out screaming at me to get down on the frozen concrete. This and so much more. Actions of a desperate and foolish man who was spiraling. A choice I made alone.  So I lost everything. I lost my job, my house, my car, my freedom, and the worst of it all, the love of my life hates me man. It all started with "Just one", but after it all... I have only one thing to say.... "worth it bro". I want none of it back.  Ya see I literally ate my windshield at 80mph (so say the cops. I can't actually remember) just so I could see that "something" let me walk away. In fact I ran away. But I never was able to...
Read more

What this blog and "The Break Away Experience" is truly about.

Image
Tonight I spoke with a man around my age about learning, growth, and having no fear of death. The conversation was short, yet to me, it was potent.  I stepped outside for a smoke after watching a woman sing and play the piano and as I rolled up my cigarette the man asked me how I was doing. Being polite I told him that I was so far so good and asked him how he was.  What he told me was "Any day above water is a good day".  I liked that. I actually liked that a lot.  He told me of how he had almost drowned and explained that when he found himself upside down on the wrong side of the surface he found peace watching the sun reflect off the water above him.  He learned that day that death was nothing to fear, and I too hold this belief. I wish I could remember the conversation word for word in its entirety so I could properly relay it all here, but I don't. However I can tell you how the conversation ended before he simply got up and walked away....
Read more