So greatful for new friends

 My friend saw me storm out of AA today and invited me to do "healing meditation". 

She says she's going to show me the super secret spot. So whatever that is it should be dope. Another friend is wanting me to hit their sweat lodge. Boom bro. 

Considering asking my old sponsor to sponsor me again. He's hella chill and views the program the way I do. Not just completely up your ass and just genuinely caring. And he doesn't act like he has all the answers. I can't stand being around those AA Big Book thumpers who pretend they have a clue. 

I was talking to him about how if someone is only helping me to help themselves that I'd rather just not get their help. Don't fuckin waste your time because I disrespect your motives. 

He's the same way. Hes actually the one who brought it up. I agree. 

Things are getting better. These meetings are just killing me. Its fuckin whack being forced to sit in a room with these people who turned my ex against me and then tried having me arrested. The people who forced me into court. I didn't want to face my ex in a court room... I had too! I almost backed out.

I shouldn't have sent her those emails. I admit it, but fuck man. I thought I was being encouraging. I wish somebody would have been telling me what I told her. That I matter. That'd be nice. 

And yea... we had our issues, but she didn't hate me until after I got her into AA. It hurts my feelings that she doesn't care about me getting her into AA and helping her get a therapist. Im just a dieseased and crazy asshole. 

This shit hurts dude. And they way its gone down and WHERE it went down makes it impossible for me to forget. Daily legal shit. Daily encounters with the enemies I've never even spoken to. 

They convinced her shes dieseased and "disturbed". The chicks not fuckin disturbed shes just figuring life out. 

We all are. 

Getting better today though. 

-Butterfly

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