It was about AA helping relationships

 Man I couldn’t do it bruh. 

Ya know the ONLY reason I got my ex into AA. The ONLY reason I helped her get a therapist. The ONLY reason I tried pointing out women I thought she'd get along with. Was to help her feel better. 

AA helping relationships? Bruh AA destroyed mine. And I'm not delusional bro. Her sponsor told her she has to leave me, block me, stay away from me because she can't have a boyfriend in her first year. 

Her sponsor had and still has a boyfriend though. 

Her sponsor is sexist bro. Her sponsor told me that she won't date a man she can't physically overpower. 

Wow... thats real trusting and loving right there. 

Het sponsor, WHILE I WAS GIVING HER A MOTHER FUCKING RIDE HOME, was saying mine and my exes relationship was just lust. 

Lust?

Ok.... yea.... shes the most beautiful woman on the face of this planet. 

But we worked together. I saw my ex every day and I didn’t even know my ex was the beautiful woman on this earth until I got to know her. It wasn’t until I spoke to her that I realized.... whoa.... shes fucking SPECIAL. 

I'm going to share her poem on here someday in case I ever get a reader. Just to show how great she is. 

She's special dude. 

She's sweet, shes kind, shes SMART! My ex is si fucking smart dude! I like that she loves birds and that she sings, and I like how she rolls around in Walmart. She's fucking weird dude... I love that. 

There's so much to love about her. 

AA helping? 

Pfft yea God damn right. 

I'm one of many, many, MANY people who lost their relationship to AA. Not "my" relationship. OUR relationship.  Not Pam's or Jetts or Kim's. Not her sister's. 

It was OURS! 

These women never even spoke to me. It wasnt "how can we help". 

It was "get rid of that loser". 

She made FUN of me :( laughed behind my back :'[

Anyways.... I feel like I'm being thought a lesson in powerlessness because despite my life, I've never felt powerless before. But the AA I introduced my ex to then slowly watching her turn on me? Yea... that hurt every single day. 

They said I was controlling. Obviously they don't really know my ex because shes not a woman you can control. And I LOVED that about her. I never wanted to control her, I never tried. I wanted her to be my friend. 

Well, tonight was a wasted trip for me. I can't say I found the gold tonight. 

Did I fail a test? Miss a lesson? 

Yea... probably, but if I had listened to Pam share about how wonderful AA is for relationships it would have ruined my whole night. 

Yea I would have let it ruin my night. 

But I'm not Mr. Zen. 

Something positive? 

I was on the side of the interstate somewhere in Oregon. After about 10 hours of walking somebody FINALLY picked me up. Dude was a cool guy and I immediately liked him. But as we were driving he asked me to take the wheel.

Uhm..... ok? 

I ask him why obviously and he told me because he faints sometimes and felt a spell coming over him. 

uh.... oh my God.... 

This dude fuckin FAINTS and we start slowing down. On the interstate! Surrounded by semi trucks!!! 

He came back too and said "oh man I thought I was going to faint". 

I was like "YOU DID FAINT"! 

That guy seemed like he had it all together. He quite clearly had a destination in mind, but then BAM... Fainted. 

Thats like me. I thought I was going to grow old with my ex. 

But I'll never get to experience that. 

So wheres life going to take me?

Never back to jail. Thats for DAMN sure. 

Hopefully on the next Break Away Experience. 

Just gotta get over the love of my life.

No biggie right?

I don't know what's next. Just like that nice man who picked my dirty and tired ass up. Just like us all. 

But I'm excited for my future. 

For God! God kept me alive. Thats the only explanation I can come up with. 

Would a God, he, she, it, or they.... would Something, keep me alive if my life wasn't something to be excited about?

I don't think so.

-Butterfly


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