Update On A Vagabond

I guess that's it then. A new life somewhere is out there. All past is gone and is lost. They're all gone now. I find myself alone, once again, in a room full of people. I made it through the plains and thats good enough for me. They coyotes were screaming and the light was nowhere to be found. I told God that if he has something to prove, well then the plains was the place to do it. My knife was out as the coyotes teased me in the night when some kid screeched past me in the middle of nowhere. I believe we scared eachother, but he was a friend and had me hop in his truck. Don't ask me how it happened. He doesn't even usually drive through that way, but was avoiding the main roads due to the snowstorm. Perhaps it was divine intervention?

I should be dead. 

So many times over... I should be dead. 

The question now is how? How the fuck am I even alive? Other than Evan of course. Or better yet... why? 

Am I supposed to be here or is that just my ego speaking. Both options are likely, but can't there only be one right answer?

I'm dirty now, I need a shower, I need to get out of Pasco. 

Will Seattle hold any truths for me? I guess there's only one way to find out. Maybe I'll settle down there. The Break Away Experience is harder than I thought it would be so I'm thinking of settling down in Seattle.

But isn't this what I wanted? To leave? 

Still.... I miss Lillee Mae. 

In fact... I miss Lillee Mae immensely. When she left me for good she almost took with her my heart. Though in just a month I've learned how silly this would be to allow. 

Fuck Seattle. I'm going to go west until I hit the coast then from there travel the coastal roads until I hit San Diego. Perhaps then I'll be far enough from the woman I considered to be the color in my life to find peace. I found it in the snow covered plains.

Peace that is. It wasn’t until I reached shelter in Pasco that I became depressed again. 

I'm finding out that there's nothing special about me, but there's something special about the road. Yep, San Diego. Then I'll have had enough adventure to just settle and rebuild a life that I have again and again thrown away. 

I want to see Tijuana and I hear I can do day trips relatively easily. 

I still love that girl. I try and be mad at her, but I can't stay angry all the time. 

Lillee Mae if you ever see this..... you're still a song bird.

-Joseph

Joseph never died. Butterfly never existed.