The Break Away Experience

So I was staring at a ceiling recently and I realized my life's a lot like a ceiling. It's there, but I never really pay attention to it. It's not until I stopped, laid down, and looked at it that I noticed all the tiny cracks, mismatched paint splotches, and started imaging little faces in the shapes. It's when I look at things differently that I realized life is beautiful and can be so full! People tell me that where ever I run, there I am, and I get their point. I do. But who says I'm running away? Why can't it be that I'm running towards something? I want freedom over comfort. I want to look in the mirror and not hate the man looking back at me. I've been selfish, I've been rude, self absorbed, lazy, unwilling to change, and too unwilling to find a sense of peace from just myself. I've allowed addiction to be my escape and I've excused my own actions while simultaneously refusing others the same grace. I want to change, like a caterpillar...

Hello. My friends call me Butterfly.  Since October 2024 I've been involved in 3 foot pursuits, 2 car chases, 1 minor car accident, 1 major car accident, 2 hospital visits, 1 hospital escape, and multiple hitchhiking adventures. I've been back to jail, had 2 relapses, and I literally froze under a bridge. I was tackled and had cops with guns out screaming at me to get down on the frozen concrete. This and so much more. Actions of a desperate and foolish man who was spiraling. A choice I made alone.  So I lost everything. I lost my job, my house, my car, my freedom, and the worst of it all, the love of my life hates me man. It all started with "Just one", but after it all... I have only one thing to say.... "worth it bro". I want none of it back.  Ya see I literally ate my windshield at 80mph (so say the cops. I can't actually remember) just so I could see that "something" let me walk away. In fact I ran away. But I never was able to...